Rockstar Games Presents Table Tennis (Rockstar Games)

"You must be stoopid," you must be thinking. "Who da hell wud by a ping-pong game? Wat a noob!"
"Fuck off," I would reply.

I love playing table tennis! The real thing. Not the basement beer game, but the sport. It's fast! REAL fast! And smart, too! No other game truly has this level of play! Unfortunately: a) Generally, that's not a widespread idea in the good ol' USA, and b) it's too damned expensive to play here for real. Sure I can go to a local, run-down game place and play on those tables. I have, with friends, and it's fun. But I want the REAL sport. I want to play with people who would no doubt kick my ass to the ends of the Earth. And then I would play those above the age of six.

But alas, that doesn't seem to be a part of my near future, so I'll have to settle for the next best thing. A video game, but not just any game! A non-violent Rockstar game! Impossible, you say? Read on!

The Game

It's just what you think. You pick up a player, and play table tennis. You have to battle your way through tournament after tournament, always reaching for that gold.

The controls are sweet! You can move all around the table (just not past the net) to pick up your ball. If you swing too early, you miss. Swing too late? Boned. Each of the colored buttons has a different type of spin; top spin, back spin, right and left. With the aid of the buttons and the triggers, you can hit dead balls (no spin), or give your ordinary spin a sweet powerboost.

The serve system is great, too. It's metered, like many tennis games, giving you a balance between spin and power. I love killing the crap out of lobs, too, or chopping a guy down to size.



The more you play, the more you can unlock here, too. There are plenty of characters from all over the world, and the level of detail that went into making each character is phenomenal, from the faces, to the style of play. You can also unlock different costumes for each player as well as arenas.

In The End...

The only problem with this game is that it's best played with a bunch of people. Especially those who actually appreciate the game. If most of your friends are like mine, that brings the list of possible players down to zero. The interest for those who don't play the game is simply not there, really.

This game is good! REALLY good! However, in my heart, it's no substitute for the real thing.

Go to the Rockstar Games Presents Table Tennis homepage.