Very Discerning Chocolate

"There is no accounting for taste, so choose your own. Experiencing deliciousness made me a slave to taste." That is freakin' hardcore.

Oh, God George! Not You, Too!

As many people know, celebrities too high brow for commercials in the states, opt for the commercials in Asia because they're so much better... paying. Brad Pitt and Cameron Diaz slut out Soft Bank phones. Catherine Zeta-Jones whores out shampoo. Something told, me, however that George Clooney of all people would avoid these things. He's so high-class. The last real Hollywood movie star - and the first, last real Hollywood movie star to spread syphilis for Honda.

Cliff

One day, upon arriving to my school in Itami, I found this chicken drawn on the board, shouting squares. It seemed incomplete. Named him Cliff. Poor Cliff.

Swine Flu: You're Mother F**kin' Dead, Holmez

Starting from Mexico, the swine flu has reached nearly every country in a matter of seconds. No one knows how it's being spread, but some theories of Fouth-Dimensional Travel have been passed around. No one knows how a simple virus can come up with such a complex "Big box inside a small box" Mode of transportation, but some believe that some sort of evil Time Lord consortium is at work.

Over two hundred and fifty trillion people from all over time and space have already been infected. More than twice that have died. Yesterday. There seems to be no signs of stopping it.

Soldier Boy

He has returned a hero of the Baby War II. It wasn't easy fighting on the European front, with all those he cared about falling about him, but he held out and the victory is ours!

Yatsuhashi

Fcuk Ambrosia! Yatsuhashi is the real food of the gods. It's a triangle of mochi (sweetened rice goo-cake) stuffed with anko (sweet red bean paste). The mochi is usually flavored with green tea or fruit. I'm happy for days after eating just one.

Hard Candy

My wife opened up a backpack that she hasn't used since last she was in the States, which was anywhere between five and eight years ago. Within it were some lost treasures like this ultra-soft Cream Saver and über-hard Winterfresh PlenTPak. I'm pretty sure the Cream Saver's done for, but for some reason, the Winterfresh is calling my name in the night. I swear it!

Bagels and Blankets

"We are preparing the blanket for you." Really? For me? I mean I was thinking about a blanket, but I didn't think to ask. You guys are amazing! You should have your own TV show! Thanks Bagel and Bagel!

Fun Things from CostCo

Protection For Those That Curve To The Right

Ever wonder how to transport those pesky bananas from one place to another without being smushed? 100円 stores can fulfill that need!

A Bonefied Brass Band Bonanza

Here's an oldie, but a goodie. As I arrive at my home station of Nishinomiya-Kitaguchi, as of the last apartment we stayed at, there played a brass band. The kids looked early-high school aged, perhaps Junior High. Anyway, they played a great variety of music, the best being "America" from West Side Story. They were very entertaining, if not very loud.

Osaka University of Cute Economics

As many can imagine, cute is nauseatingly serious business here in Japan. It's the country's top commodity both domestically and internationally, so it only makes sense that you would need an entire University to deal with the ins and outs of the economic value of cute. When there has to be a cute character on the cover to distract from the uselessness of something, and when people fall for it unquestioned, it's best to know how to deal with any probable future financial crisis.

Fitness Centers Are Made of This

On the left, a woman-only fitness center. On the right, a bakery specializing in Chocolate cakes. Either someone got it really wrong, or someone got it really right.

Busting Down The Door

Ever since little Nolan has learned to crawl, he has been fascinated with the mysterious door of secret whispers. I mean the bathroom. Everytime one of us goes in, he waits outside the door, hoping that one of us will slip up and he'll gain entry to the world of the magic spinning pool. As you can see below, sometimes it gets a bit creepy.

The Square Watermelon Made Real

You've all heard the rumors. I've heard them anyway. Japan, a country that will do anything to convince you the price of fruit should be as high as it is, brings you the square watermelon. I have seen it. I can die a square man.

What's your Headphone Style?

I shouldn't even be surprised. With the need for all things to be fashionable here in the cities of Japan, why should our electronic accessories be any different? Here, headphones seem to symbolize the type of personality you want to suggest to others you have, just like any pair of socks or silly, over-printed T-shirt.

Amagasaki Crane Style

Around the little streams here in Hyogo Prefecture, you find - on occasion - wild birds that you would never associate with their concrete surroundings. This cranes, however, where in relative abundance compared to every city I've ever lived in. They are quite spectacular.

Takeshi's Phallic Castle

Kitano 'Beat' Takeshi's been doing the advertisements for ECC for a while now. Someone at Itami school got the opportunity to grab his 'sign' (aka autograph) and it's displayed proudly, towering over all the people. His signature is a penis, whether it's meant to be or not. A Penis.

Kidzania

Kidzania is, as the picture says, located in Koshien. It's one of many different theme-park like places that don't really offer rides and attractions as they offer experience in the work force. Yes, kids between the age of 'too-young' and 'don't-care' can go and see how fun it is to have a job.

No I'm Not!

I know that this doesn't truly count as Engrish. It is - or seems to be - a French word. Just, every time I see the sign at the grocery store, I feel it looming over my presence, just like all the Japanese people who are allergic to foreigners, making me feel as if I did something wrong.

The Long Arm

My apartment of absolute safety and perfection was visit by a copper today. Startled, I grabbed the baby and made for the window. The officer broke down the door with his iron leg, heavy-stepped in with his legs and arms hanging wide before tazering me to the ground. As the officer stood over my hemorrhaging body, and as my son began to play with some random toy, he told us that there was a pervert in the area showing children his Winky McWinkerson. As soon as I stuttered out my information, he left with a bang of the door behind him.

Well...There wasn't any action. Instead of a tazer, he had a file book, but my son was playing with a random toy. And I guess there is a flasher in the neighborhood. Just goes to show you that Japan isn't such a safety country.

Bugs: Ah, Yes Grasshoppa!

Bugs: A Visitor of Biggish-Small Proportions

One day, about a week after moving into our new apartment, I saw a pretty big mantis chilling out on the railing outside our third-floor apartment. As impressive as he or she was, I have seen such things before. We do live over and around plenty of rice fields.

Bugs: The Cicadas Are Coming

Every summer in Japan, the humidity becomes unbearable. The sun, a blistering fireball of unrestrained love and anger. Then they appear, hiding in the shadows, these little brown omens of auditory doom. These are the larval cicada. No wings. Just brown and icky. These little husks I've never seen occupied, but if you see one, watch the trees, though it may already be too late. The crackling and rattling and deafening tone of the cicada is about to drive you to destruction!

Existence begins at Conception

Soon, my son Nolan's first birthday will be arriving in glorious firstness style. His primary twelve months out of his mother's tum will come to an end, making way for his next.

However, living in Japan, I'm quite confused on what constitutes a year. The Japanese believe that the end of the first week after conception is week '0', and the first month after birth is month '0'. This effectively adds a month to the baby's calendar compared to what we believe. However, does this mean that his first year is actually only 11 months? Will we have to wait an extra month to celebrate his first 12 months out of the tummy bag? I'm just glad that he's not Korean. They're on a Lunar calendar so birthdays are on different days every year.

This gets me thinking of all the debates over when life actually begins. Is it really conception? After the first trimester? Back to the Koreans who say a child is already a year old after birth. When does the soul enter into the equation? Crazy.

I'll have to be content in saying he's 1/21: One year old/21 months in existence. Or is that 1.1/23? JAPAN!!!!!!!

Doubutsu Aigodantai

Near our apartment, there lies and immense park. Next to the park, there lies a river. In between the river and the park and a little ways down the road, there lies Doubutsu Aigodantai (Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals) - I'm not sure if this is it's official name, or just a translation of the service.．It's an animal shelter and rescue place, one of only two I'm aware of at least in the Kansai region of Japan, the other being Ark (Animal Rescue Kansai).

Senka Graduation 2009

Welcome to ECC's Senka Graduation 2009 here in the Kansai area of Japan! This includes the major schools in Namba, Umeda, Shijo, Tennoji and Sannomiya! Enjoy!

This is the One: Hikaru Utada

For the most part, as I've exclaimed in the recent, Pop is dirt. There are little, rare exceptions of not-dirt-Pop, but for the most part, Pop is filth. Filthy dirt. Bleh.

One of the exceptions, however, I find is one young woman by the name of Hikaru Utada. I've written about her before, the last time probably about the time I went to see her on her last tour in Japan. Amongst the dirty filth that is the majority of J-Pop, she is a true diamond in the rough. She can actually sing. She can actually write good music. With her Japanese albums, she's always ahead of the curve, trying new things, creating wonderful tracks, not getting really stuck in what makes J-Pop the mostly-spew that it is.

Post-Mortem: Punkintegration

Welcome to Post-Mortem! Where we put the 'Fun' back in 'Funeral', before we blow it all up!

Sometimes simplicity is the best medicine for all that ails, and what ails us today is death.

Simplicity, and Speedpunk.

'Proof' by I Am A Kloot

Christopher Eccleston just kills me.

A Baby's First Steps Go Boom

The boy, one day from being an official 11 months old, has decided to take his first three steps. As he released his grip from the chair that his mother sat upon, he took one step forward with his left foot, then right, then left again. That is when the police car he held in his hand flew high from his hand, and in a slow motion, multi-view scene of horror, he landed safely upon his bum on the kitchen floor.

On the use of 'Amn't'

When you work in a foreign country, one where English is not the primary language, and you teach said English to those who do not use it on a daily basis, you will hear some weird stuff come out in English that isn't English. In Japan, we call it 'Engrish' - or 'Japanese-English' when being polite about it. However, just sometimes, that 'Engrish' - or 'Japanese-English' - makes some sort of sense.

Nolan: The Second Six Months

Click on the right or left of the photo to move in that direction.