Swine Flu: You're Mother F**kin' Dead, Holmez

Starting from Mexico, the swine flu has reached nearly every country in a matter of seconds. No one knows how it's being spread, but some theories of Fouth-Dimensional Travel have been passed around. No one knows how a simple virus can come up with such a complex "Big box inside a small box" Mode of transportation, but some believe that some sort of evil Time Lord consortium is at work.

Over two hundred and fifty trillion people from all over time and space have already been infected. More than twice that have died. Yesterday. There seems to be no signs of stopping it.



So what can you do if you or a loved one comes in contact with the bio-engineered, gene-altering super ultra virus. Burn the crap out of every pig you see. That's right, slaughter them all in a blazing fire of glorious vengence and short-sightedness.

No fire? Use bullets, which have been recently confirmed as an effective way of killing something that would rather choose to live. But remember, save one for yourself because you will die. Killing the pigs will save the future generations of mutant half-pig, half-man, half-alligator people that will eventually evolve to replace us as the dominant, and yet most ignorant species on the planet. You, you will still die in horrible, gut wrenching, mass-media filled agony.

Amen.