Fable II (Microsoft : Lionhead Studios)

Or

Never Have I Played A Game That Felt Like So Much Work

It's not really that easy to bore me to tears. I can find the good in most anything, even if it's not something that I fixate upon. When it comes to video games, I have enjoyed practically every purchase I've made, many, many times. This is why I'm very glad I borrowed Fable II.



The Story
You are a boy -or a girl- named Sparrow. It's just a nickname. You have no real name. You love wooden swords and your chatty, older, cockney sister. So when your sister makes a wish using a magic box to gain entrance to the castle of her dreams, and the castles owner kills her and shoots you for some magic-related reason, understandably your a bit perturbed.

Years later, you are all growed-up and ready to reap your skinny little, badly dressed and emotionally-void vengeance upon he that is, apparently, up to no good. You mission, if you procrastinate in choosing to ignore it, is to build up your strength and magic skills, find other lost 'Heroes' and go and defeat the bad guy that isn't even around again during the first half of the story.

As always, by your side is your trusty pooch who you can teach various useless tricks. Go from town to town, entertaining and slaying all those around you, but beware. All that you do has a profound effect on the world around you. Choose wisely!!! Or don't. Whatever. No skin off anyone's nose.

The Game
On the whole, the majority of the game mechanics were fine. No real problems with them, though I could never figure out how to give it to my wife when she wanted some of the Mikey action.

Two things stand out from the crowd on this one. One: The use of magic, and Two: your time in the contest of killing things.

Leveling up magic is fast and fun, and organizing it for combat is great. I got really attached to certain spells, like raising the dead and time manipulating. The spells, and the order in which they are used make the otherwise boring battles that you dive into much more interesting, and they are particularly useful for point number two.

There is a place in the world where you can join a tournament. In this tournament, you fight waves of bad guys, trying to advance to the next room. You pick up some extra cash and eventually have to fight a big bossy like thing. All very fun. This was, as I see it, the peak of the game. It's all down hill from here, baby.

First of all, what makes this game SOOO boring is the fact that your avatar is so lifeless. Nothing makes him or her come alive. You do get sets of reactions that you can choose, but still, these things are so far removed from the way the rest of the world works that it removes me further still from caring about this game or it's weak plot.

Your dog, except for finding buried treasure, is just a dog. I have no love for it. None at all.

You can have sex, and without a condom, very quickly have a child, or children with any or all of your possible families. This simply serves to remind players how lucky they are or were to be single.

Making money can be tedious. Finding cash is rare. The jobs you take (like forging, chopping or serving beer) are so god-awfully boring that it makes my current job seem like a shining jewel amidst the darkening of my soul. You can buy and sell property, but who wants to go through all that trouble?

The side quests, are actually more interesting than the main story, meaning that they aren't very interesting. The characters in this world are more annoying than charming. And when they start following you everywhere, I would just end up murdering them.

In The End...
I could go on and on, but I think the picture has been firmly grasped by the readers lucky enough to read before buying. Who knows, you might like it - as so many others do. However, take this into account: This is the only game, since getting my first console oh so many years ago, that I haven't finished. In fact, it's the very first I've refused to finish. I thought that if I played it differently, I would think something different. I tried. I didn't.

Run Away!